i am nobody's possession...neither i can own somebody

why do we usually feel good whenever someone tells us "You're mine" or "I am only yours"???

technically it sounds great and it really feels good knowing that someone knows your worth that is why he or she wants to own you, and it is indeed pleasant in our ears to hear that somebody is giving himself or herself to you. these lines are some kind of a promise to you that you will always be together, that nothing or no one can ever break you two apart. 

I always wanted to hear these things from the person I dear the most. who would not?!

like any other person in the world, I always wish for a healthy and happy relationship. who would not?!

my mind never stops thinking about my "what if's" concerning my first relationship.

• what if i did not break up with him?
• what if i did that?
• what if i obeyed all the things he wanted me to do?
• what if i changed all the things that he does not like about me?
• what if i did not ever try to go against him just for myself?
• what if we tried even harder for our relationship to work out? i know we can, that time. :|

(but that was BEFORE :p)

NOW...

there's no more pain in my chest.

i am proudly to say that i do not have regrets anymore. 

i feel so light now, much lighter than before.

with the 11 months i had without him, i had enough time for me to realize all the things i need to realize for myself. 

i am so blessed with friends who never get tired of listening to my story and to my unending pagdadrama.

i realized that everything i wished for my longed relationship didn't came true with that person. i was just too weak to accept in myself that there are lots of things i never did wish to happen with him, i was too blinded to see that he does not deserve me. (this is not bitterness) i wanted to hear so many sweet words form him but that never happened. i made myself believe that he only has his own sweetness that's why he never uttered those sweet words i longed to hear from him. words like YOU'RE MINE, I'M YOURS, I LOVE YOU...he said he loves me before but "love you" is different from "i love you". just like how different it is when someone tells you something sweet with your name. (am i right?) these things are simple yet true. 

but i guess that's just the way love goes. i loved him, i loved him too much that i already forgot my standards. 

when i attended an inspiring talk about love just this February, i learned so many things...my mind and heart was enlightened by the words of the pastor. 

• FIX YOUR EYES ON THE SOUL-MAKER FIRST ... you cannot feel someone loves you dearly if you are still not contented with the love that God is giving you. love Him first before you get to love someone else. He should be our source of love. 
• FIX YOURSELVES FIRST ... in order for you to commit yourself to someone, you should be totally ready first. fix your personal issues first and don't carry baggages (problems/issues) when you go into a relationship because if you two carry your own baggages, nothing good will happen and you are just bringing something that will break you apart.
• FIX YOUR STANDARDS ... lastly, know and be sure of what you want in your life. if you know your standards, it will be easy for you to look for your soul mate or it will be easy for you to see who your soul mate is if you finally meet him/her.

these are the things i learned and made a change in my thinking towards my love life. :D

and the most important thing i realized is that you don't need to own someone neither do someone has to own you to know that they really love you. every person is not a possession and the only one who owns us is God.  If we only learn to give our whole lives and surrender our souls to Him, He will give us everything that we need, He will provide us what our souls need.