i am nobody's possession...neither i can own somebody

why do we usually feel good whenever someone tells us "You're mine" or "I am only yours"???

technically it sounds great and it really feels good knowing that someone knows your worth that is why he or she wants to own you, and it is indeed pleasant in our ears to hear that somebody is giving himself or herself to you. these lines are some kind of a promise to you that you will always be together, that nothing or no one can ever break you two apart. 

I always wanted to hear these things from the person I dear the most. who would not?!

like any other person in the world, I always wish for a healthy and happy relationship. who would not?!

my mind never stops thinking about my "what if's" concerning my first relationship.

• what if i did not break up with him?
• what if i did that?
• what if i obeyed all the things he wanted me to do?
• what if i changed all the things that he does not like about me?
• what if i did not ever try to go against him just for myself?
• what if we tried even harder for our relationship to work out? i know we can, that time. :|

(but that was BEFORE :p)

NOW...

there's no more pain in my chest.

i am proudly to say that i do not have regrets anymore. 

i feel so light now, much lighter than before.

with the 11 months i had without him, i had enough time for me to realize all the things i need to realize for myself. 

i am so blessed with friends who never get tired of listening to my story and to my unending pagdadrama.

i realized that everything i wished for my longed relationship didn't came true with that person. i was just too weak to accept in myself that there are lots of things i never did wish to happen with him, i was too blinded to see that he does not deserve me. (this is not bitterness) i wanted to hear so many sweet words form him but that never happened. i made myself believe that he only has his own sweetness that's why he never uttered those sweet words i longed to hear from him. words like YOU'RE MINE, I'M YOURS, I LOVE YOU...he said he loves me before but "love you" is different from "i love you". just like how different it is when someone tells you something sweet with your name. (am i right?) these things are simple yet true. 

but i guess that's just the way love goes. i loved him, i loved him too much that i already forgot my standards. 

when i attended an inspiring talk about love just this February, i learned so many things...my mind and heart was enlightened by the words of the pastor. 

• FIX YOUR EYES ON THE SOUL-MAKER FIRST ... you cannot feel someone loves you dearly if you are still not contented with the love that God is giving you. love Him first before you get to love someone else. He should be our source of love. 
• FIX YOURSELVES FIRST ... in order for you to commit yourself to someone, you should be totally ready first. fix your personal issues first and don't carry baggages (problems/issues) when you go into a relationship because if you two carry your own baggages, nothing good will happen and you are just bringing something that will break you apart.
• FIX YOUR STANDARDS ... lastly, know and be sure of what you want in your life. if you know your standards, it will be easy for you to look for your soul mate or it will be easy for you to see who your soul mate is if you finally meet him/her.

these are the things i learned and made a change in my thinking towards my love life. :D

and the most important thing i realized is that you don't need to own someone neither do someone has to own you to know that they really love you. every person is not a possession and the only one who owns us is God.  If we only learn to give our whole lives and surrender our souls to Him, He will give us everything that we need, He will provide us what our souls need. 

WHEN A SUMMER VACATION BECOMES A WORTHWHILE EXPERIENCE

I always have my dance workshop every summer that is why my life is never boring when the summer vacation starts. This is what makes me busy even though there are no more classes in school. It is already a part of my routine during summer.

This year I have grabbed an opportunity of joining Gawad Kalinga’s Bayani Challenge 2011. It was held in Bantayan Island, Cebu for one week. I had no idea what will going to happen in the event because it was only my first time to join in any Build activities of that foundation. Gawad Kalinga is the Philippine-based poverty alleviation and nation building movement. It is an honor to be part of this foundation for the homeless people in my country. But I have to admit that I when this activity was promoted in our school, the only reason why I wanted to join here is because number of hours will be credited for my NSTP and it is the perfect chance for me to finish my 60 hours of community service that is required for me to finish that curriculum.

I was hesitant to ask permission from my parents because I know it is far for them, it will take me out of the house for a week and that has never happened before. But I badly want to join there for me to finish my required hours. It is the only chance I got because my NSTP portfolio is due on June already. (Cramming mode again) Fortunately, when I told my parents about this whole Bayani Challenge, they allowed me to join and they also gave me money to pay all the expenses needed. I was indeed lucky also because my parents gave me extra money if ever I will need it there.

So it was April 3, 4 o’clock in the morning, I woke up this early because our flight is at 7 and we have to get to the airport by 5. Jian fetched me and we went to the airport together. I was very excited that day because it is my first time to travel to a far place (yes! Cebu is already far for me) with my friends/block mates. And the most exciting part there was I got to have a vacation without my parents. It was slightly an independent feeling to be going out without any older people with you.

 

We sensed some bad vibes as soon as we got to the Mactan Cebu airport. Damn! We’re right! We waited inside an ordinary bus for 2 hours before we got to leave the airport and headed to the port where we went to ride a Ro-ro ship towards Bantayan Island. Our bus trip from the airport took us almost four hours instead of the expected 3-hour trip because we needed to have a stop-over for our lunch. When we were in a carinderia, we were all surprised with their water dispenser because it has a token machine where you need to insert a peso for it to work and each peso is for like half a glass of water only. That kind of water dispenser can be found in all areas of the Cebu province. We left Hagnayan port by 2:30 in the afternoon and spent an hour trip to Bantayan Island. While we were in the ship, we all realized that we travelled through the three elements (air, land, water) for half a day. When we finally got to the island our initial problem is that we didn’t know how to get to the inn where we will stay. Good thing that it is in our booking package in Yooneek Inn (where we booked for a week stay) that they will fetch us in the port because we were already exhausted on our trip. After settling our things in to our room we went to Sta. Fe school ground to register for the Bayani Challenge because it is the official camp site of the event. The whole Bayani Challenge Build activity is scheduled the next day, meaning the remaining time of that day is our free time to be on the beach or do whatever we want to do. Before going to the beach for a swim, we first prepared on what we are going to eat for dinner. We already pay for the food package of 700 pesos but it is only for the 4^th of April until the 9^th (Bayani Challenge event schedule).

After settling all our needs, we spent the whole afternoon on the beach and the sunset was so beautiful. It was indeed PERFECT! J Actually we really didn’t get to swim because it was very low tide that time. We were walking already far from the shore but the water is still on our knees and we don’t want to go farther because we were a bit scared. So we just hanged out and sat on the beach until it got dark. Literally it was too dark when the sun went down so we went back to our inn already.

After dinner we went to the camp site for our team meeting and a sort of an orientation of what we are going to do for the 6 days of build activities. During the meeting, I knew something that really made my heart melt with sympathy. One of our team leaders said that we are there to help the people in Bantayan Island, we should build hopes and not only homes for them because there is a saying that the island will vanish after ten years. People there have nothing that they could do but accept the fact.

So when our build activities started, that heart breaking rumor stuck in my mind and while we were with them in their homes we were trying our best to make them feel that there is still hope and we Filipinos are there to help them. I can see through their smiles how they are coping up with their lifestyles. Yes they are truly hungry for so many things, the things that the people in the city have. I witnessed how they strive hard to survive. And in our one week stay in that island, something in me changed somehow. I know that there are lots of people who cannot have what I have and could have. And I felt really sad when the event ended because we have to leave the place and the very nice persons living in that island. The Bantayan people are very hospitable and welcoming. They made us feel that we are truly appreciated by all of them and it was so touching.

I would never forget all the talks every night in the Bayani Challenge. It is like our recollection time after the whole day build for us to understand more the meaning of volunteerism and the things that we could still do despite of the economic problems of our country. These things are important for us because we are the citizens of our country and we should care for our fellow citizens as well. Tito Tony Meloto, the head in Gawad Kalinga, said in his inspirational talk during our first night:

 “We are better than the genie, we grant the wishes and dreams of every Filipino.”

“We” represents all of us who sacrificed to volunteer in that one week Bayani Challenge in Bantayan Island. I feel so proud that I am one of the people who want to grant the wishes and dreams of our unfortunate fellow citizens. Tito Tony also encouraged all of us to leave a legacy, something that we will not share to others but give. As good Filipinos and lovers of the country, even though we are now losing hope because of our financial problems in our lives we should not dwell on the problem but seek on the solution. We should be creative and always try to make ways for our positive motives. And lastly, we should have a vision and include others in our vision. Through these things, we could make a change and make Philippines a better place to live in for the next generations.

I was also touched when I saw that there are lots of foreigners from the U.S.A, Singapore, Canada and Australia came to the country to join the Bayani Challenge in Cebu. They are not pure Filipinos and some are not Filipinos at all but they love the Philippines and the people living in here. They travelled from their own countries to devote their time and efforts to build homes for the poor. If those people who are not Filipinos can sacrifice for our fellow citizens, us who are truly Filipinos should be more responsible enough in taking part for the lives of the homeless people in our country.

Aside from all these motivating and inspirational talks, over all I enjoyed my stay in Bantayan Island doing something fruitful while spending also a sort of vacation with my friends and block mates. Truly this summer escapade experience is unforgettable and I am looking forward for another Bayani Challenge next year. Hopefully, we could join again and be part of the people power because Gawad Kalinga is People Power!

Surviving outside our comfort zone for a week is what made our Bayani Challenge experience worthwhile! :)

"Life is partly what we make it, and partly what is made by the friends whom we choose."

MY KADS!

These people are my closest friends right now, and will forever be. :">

We all have different lives, we come from different schools or some are already working but what make us united.....

WE DANCE. WE LAUGH. WE EAT A LOT. and WE PARTEY!

We may not be close friends for a long time but I know our friendship will last. We are of different ages and I love the way we compliment each other. It is nice to have ATE's and KUYA's in BARKADA. There is always someone to look after you, give you advices, comfort you at anytime of the day, try to make you laugh like it's the end of everything, make you smile always, make you wanna eat a lot even if you're on diet, make you dance the craziest moves, make you try the things you never try before, make you laugh alone through text,  and someone who will make you realize that 

THERE ARE SO MUCH BETTER THINGS TO CELEBRATE IN LIFE! :D

(so why do i need to remember that heartache before when MY PRESENT and FUTURE is way way BETTER and when I know that these people are beside me and ready to lift me up no matter what :"> )

I may not be blessed as others when it comes to love life. I may not have someone special right now (you know what i mean). I may not have a person to share my sweetness with. BUT ONE THING IS FOR SURE I HAVE THAT I CAN BE PROUD OF...and that is 

MY BELOVED BARKADA --- MY KADS

 YOU DON'T WANNA MESS WITH US!

WE GOT THE CRAZIEST THINGS IN OUR HEADS....

AND WE'RE READY TO DO ALL OF 'EM =))

Death Penalty YES, Murder NO!

“Have you ever thought of how many criminals escape punishment, and yet, the victims never have the chance to do that?” this is the question of J. Edgar Hoover, the late director of Federal Bureau of Investigations in the United States.

If someone was murdered, is it just? Is it not violating human’s right to live? But why should we take the lives also of the killers in return? Think about this, a criminal on a death row still have the chance to prepare for his death, make a will of testament for his family, and even change his life for the remaining days he have. But a victim of murder by stabbing or a victim of rape, theft and other crimes, do they have the chance of preparing for their deaths? Of course they do not have chance anymore. They are killed mercilessly and even worse, their bodies are just thrown elsewhere. Lucky to those victims whose are bodies found and given a proper burial. But what about to those who are not? To those bodies left in a place on earth where no one could see and they are left rotten already, is it humane?

They say that the death penalty condemns the innocent to die. Before any person is executed, there is an extremely strict process to be done by twelve members of carefully selected jury to decide. There, all the proofs of whether the criminal is guilty or not are presented and cautiously tested. Saying that innocents are condemned to die is not a valid argument for in the first place they will not be imprisoned if they are not guilty of the crime. And the department of justice is firm on a life and death situations like a person to be executed on a crime he committed. The one who should be regarded as innocent is not the one who will be executed but the victim who died. The victim is an innocent person mercilessly killed by a murderer. For whatever reason it was, the thing is you should not kill an innocent person.

Thousands of people are attacking death penalty. The first argument that they always raise is an innocent man or woman is sentenced of an execution of the crime he or she did not commit. They say that these people are victims of death penalty and it is unjust for them. Do they not realize and remember the victims who are killed of the murderers? An article from the internet says:

“Out of a sample of 164 paroled Georgia murderers, eight committed subsequent murders within seven years of release. A study of twenty Oregon murderers released on parole in 1979 found that one (i.e., five percent) had committed a subsequent homicide within five years of release. Another study found that of 11,404 persons originally convicted of "willful homicide" and released during 1965 and 1974, 34 were returned to prison for commission of a subsequent criminal homicide during the first year alone.”

If these murderers are executed and penalized for the crimes they did at first, many innocent lives should have been saved. If people will continue to commit such crimes, this world will never be a better place to live in especially for the future generations. Death penalty is just like a lesson to children. In childhood, we learned that in order for you to receive a reward you must do something good and if you do something bad, surely, you will have to do a penalty. That is just the way it is. These laws are created to attain order in the society. Its purpose is not to kill people but to achieve and manage peace and order in the world.

The very notion that one could be cruel while punishing a guilty murderer for murdering an innocent victim is pathetic.

Death penalty is moral and just. We must always remember that no one has to be executed or sentenced to death penalty if no one murders and take lives of the innocent people. Murderers are not innocent people fighting for their lives in prison. Let us put in our mentality that victim rights are more important than criminal rights. DEATH PENALTY YES, MURDER NO!

i ain't gonna think about you anymore! (OH PLEASE!)

i really thought after 8 months...okay na lahat
i thought i'm happy already...somehow hindi parin pala
it's been 8 months and 25 days...
why can't i still totally move on?! :|


and now i just realized if it's not about a highlight moment of my day that i am putting here in my blog...it's all about me not getting over the past :(( damn! 


maybe i'm feeling this because the 14th is already coming and i'm feeling so alone.
i have ways though to forget these sad truths:
1. DANCE...non-stop training!
2.my so LOVABLE BARKADA 
   actually if they will be able to read this..k i'm dead! :|
3.my so quote&quote "crush" ... waepek talaga! :| I TRIED!
4.of course trying to get myself busy with schoolworks and working on my grades. well this one is exceptional!
5.trying to fill my head with happy thoughts by listening to happy songs but ended up listening to the emo ones 


THIS IS A MAJOR FAILURE! :((


trying to stick this song to my head: AIN'T THINKING ABOUT YOU!!!!!

Wasting time, steady trying to get you back;

Get you back in my life (you don’t care, you don’t care)

I’m not looking for love, cause he’s gone

I just wanna have a good time and keep you off my mind

_________________________________________________________________________

i promise this to myself: I WILL NOT FEEL SAD ON THE 14TH ♥

Please Lord help me not to feel this anymore.

Enlighten my mind that there are so much better things that I should spend my time thinking about and not to these same old crappy crazy stuffs about the past.

I know you gave this experience to me not to burden my life but to teach me with so many lessons. Thank you still dear God.

You once gave me a very special person in my heart and in my life. 

You used him to make me happy in one chapter of my life. You used him to make me realize a lot of things. I appreciate that even though I only had him for a short span of time in my life, I know I would never forget the love I had with him because I believe that You Lord lived in him that time for me to feel Your presence and to experience not the heartbreak that I got but the love that a special person could give to me. I believe Lord that You have better plans for me. I'm not here waiting only for the time that You will give me another one. I'm here to enjoy every second of my life that You gave me for me to have enough time for myself and my priorities.

Thank you so much Dear Lord.

You are my Loveliest!

And I want You to know Lord that I WANT TO BE YOUR VALENTINE :')

new style...same old story --- ADAPTATIONS

This is a book review of 3 old fairytales :)

     "CINDERFELLA", "RED", and "THE BOY WHO NEVER GROWS UP" are good works of adaptation made by some students from Assumption College for their Creative Writing subject. From the original fairytales of "CINDERELLA", "LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD" and "PETER PAN", the adaptations stories were well written because even if the stories were modernized and have different styles, the changes were good enough to remember the original message and theme of the fairytales. The writers did their adaptations in a manner that they made sure that their future readers will think logically that the alternations they did are necessary from the original ones. The characterization of the three stories do not differ from the fairytales except for the "Cinderfella", but it became such because the main character is a guy which means "fella" in slang.

In the first adaptation story which is "Cinderfella", a reader would say that he or she can relate to the situations presented in the story because in the generation today, teenagers desire on thing and that is'freedom'. In the case of Milo who is the "fella", he wanted to escape from the evil family that was left for him after the death of his father. He demanded emancipation and that is what he got at the end of the story. This emancipation represents the happiness he was longing for and like any other teenagers in the world today, they also would want to enjoy life at their young age.

     For the little girl Red in the adaptation story of "Little Red Riding Hood", she represents every child who is easily amazed with the beautiful things around them. With the ignorant minds that they have, they unconsciously forget that there are certain rules to follow from their parents. But young as they are, it is still understandable. The story of "Red" depicts reality in the world today, that there are crimes everywhere. You may see the city as a wonderful place because of all the lights and decorations in the streets but behind those city wonders, bad people are always around just like the villains in a fairytale. Good thing for those little kids who were saved from different crimes in a dangerous world and still could find a happy ending after all.

     Lastly, for the "Boy Who Never Grows Up", the title was clearly stated because in the story, Peter never learned to grow up and he continued to make his mistakes until something happened to him that broke his heart and made him realize the important things in his life. This adaptation story presents also a real life situation where a girl and a boy would experience love as part of growing up. Problems are always there to challenge and spice up the story but these are all miraculously solved in the end.

     These three adaptation works of the three fairytales showed how the magical stories told from the past exist in the generation todayand would somehow teach lessons for the generations tomorrow. And that is the real essence of fairytales, it is not always to give happy endings but to teach lessons.  

After 4 years..

I have this friend who is really special for me. She left the country when we were in second year high school and she left without my knowledge so I was like what the f***?! :| When we happened to talk through chat in the internet a year after she left, I was arguing with her for not telling me that she will go back to the States and finish high school there. I felt that I lost a best friend because from first year high school we were really that close and I feel extra happy when we see each other in school. Of course, that was every day because even if we are not classmates during the last year that she stayed in the Philippines, we always find time to get together and bond each day. I was mad at her actually but when we were chatting for the past 4 years that we do not see each other, I can't really show her how mad I am because I miss her so much!

Last summer 2010 she told me she is coming back to the Philippines for good. That means she will study college here already and I was overjoyed when she told me that. She was calling and texting me from then on so that I can have an update if she is already here in Manila but after few months I lost contact of her. I just thought maybe she already arrived the country that is why I lost contact with her, and I was just waiting for her to call, text, or message me in the internet but I didn't get any. Then I felt so much relief when I saw her online on facebook and through that I got to talk with her again. She told me that she's already enrolled in a college in Manila. Damn! that's too far from Makati where we both live :( I was expecting that maybe there's a big chance that she will study in AC, same school as mine, because it is very accessible for her. Okay I was wrong! :(( Then we barely text each other after learning that she is already studying in another school and she became a lot more busy when she was elected as the SK Chairwoman in their community. I lost hope! I know that we should wait longer before we can see and hang out with each other again. FINE! :|

Okay so it is the 18th of January and I was with my friend awhile ago in Glorietta. I stayed because we have to plan for something important. And when we were about to go out of the mall, I saw a girl entered and was about to walk in front of me. OH MY GOOOOSSHHH!!! IT'S HER!!!!! :"> Still can't believe that I saw her awhile ago after 4 years! We wished we could spend the night together and catch up with each other but she already had plans and I also need to go home early. Maybe there's another chance that I can hang out with my friend again. I'm so excited to see her again and I really do hope that it is on Friday and Saturday already. It is the Fair celebration of our high school on the weekend and I invited her to come and watch the concert and cheering competition just like what we always had in CSR :D 

Can't explain how happy I am right now. :"> 

Thank God for that chance of seeing my long lost friend. LOL =))