not again!

After a night full of "kilig moments" and unending laughter, I ended my day locked in my room doing nothing. 

I was so bored so I browsed all the photo albums in my facebook account. 

When I saw my album with all of my pictures with "him" (C) I took time to think whether I will look at it or skip the album but I did not. At first, I was okay, doing fine while looking at the pictures and suddenly tears fell down and I don't know why. ( with the background music of "FOREVER and FOREVER YOU AND FOREVER GONE" by Claude Kelly) Then all the memories I had with him flashed back in my head and it made me cry again :(( I stopped, got up from the chair and tried to do something else. I was cleaning my room, fixing all my stuffs until I saw a piece of paper under my books. I didn't know if that is a letter or just a scratch paper, I almost threw it in the trash can but I checked it first because it might be an important paper or something. 

I was right! It was indeed so important for me because it is the first letter that he gave me. If I am not mistaken, it is his retreat letter for me. I wanted to put some of the messages here that really made me cry for the rest of the night so you would understand why it still hurts so bad. So until 2am I was just crying in my bed until I fell asleep.  I broke my promise to myself that I would never cry myself again to sleep. I just can't control my emotions when it comes to that. I always say to myself that it is the last time that I will cry because of him but moments like this still happen. It's just because it's still here. That's the fact that I can't deny and even though I am 100% sure that things will never be the same again between us, one thing will surely last. Me, being true to him, being true with my feelings. Yes it is done but I guess the love I had for him will last forever. My friend told me that she can see that I am moved on right now but the reason why I still cry because of him is because the love is still here in me. That would never change because that is real. She also said that I may meet new one who could replace my first love. I may love another guy as I love the first one but I can never erase the fact that I once loved him so it will be there forever no matter what. 

I hope...I really do hope that I'm done crying for nothing. But if ever I will cry again, I guess it's just my way of releasing my emotions and sadness as well so I can go on with my life and be happy. 

To my friends who always witness me crying or listening to my unending stories of heartache THANK YOU SO MUCH for lending me your ears to listen, heart to feel my pain, and shoulders to cry on. Thank you for not leaving me especially in times when I feel so depress. Thank you for trying your very best to make me happy and find ways for me to forget him and everything that's not worth remembering.

THANK GOD for giving me these people who never fail to comfort me and make me feel better when I'm lost. I'M STILL LUCKY! :">